What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Trying to Shrink Myself: Body Image Healing After Trauma

There was a long stretch of my life where I truly believed that being smaller meant being safer.

Smaller meant easier.Smaller meant more lovable.Smaller meant less trouble, less visible, less me.

That belief didn’t come out of nowhere.It was shaped early — by childhood trauma that taught me to disconnect from my body because feeling anything inside of it was overwhelming or dangerous. My smallness became a shield. Being “easy,” quiet, agreeable, and disciplined wasn’t just praised — it felt like survival. And when the world around me echoed those same messages — that my body should be controlled, managed, tightened, toned, corrected — it confirmed a story I had been carrying for years:

You’re only safe if you take up less space.You’re only worthy if you work for it.You’re only lovable if you disappear the parts of yourself that feel too much.

I didn’t just live inside that narrative.It lived inside of me.

Later, adult relational trauma deepened the pattern. I learned to override bodily cues — hunger, fullness, exhaustion, pain, desire — because listening didn’t feel safe. Restriction became control. Food became comfort or coping or punishment. Weight could be armor or erasure depending on what I needed to survive.

And while not all of it was about my body, my body became the place where all of it landed.

I wish someone had told me sooner that none of this was my fault.I wish someone had told me sooner that shrinking myself wasn’t healing — it was disappearing.

What I needed wasn’t discipline.Or willpower.Or another plan to “fix” my body.

What I needed — what so many of us need — was permission to come home to myself.

To feel what I feel.To hunger without shame.To rest without guilt.To stop contorting myself to fit a world that only benefits when I stay small, preoccupied, obedient, and self-blaming.

The truth is, whole industries profit when you believe your body is the problem.When you’re hungry but override it.When you spend your days calculating, doubting, judging, or trying to earn your right to exist.

Who benefits when you’re exhausted?Who profits when you’re starving?Who gains when you're too busy fighting your own body to question the systems around you?

It’s certainly not you.

And it was never me.

What I wish someone had told me back then is this:

You were never the problem.Your body was never the enemy.You didn’t need to be smaller — you needed to be safe.You didn’t need more control — you needed more compassion.You didn’t need to fight your body — you needed to hear it.

And you deserved to take up space the whole time.

🌿 If you’re in this place now…

If you’re still convinced that shrinking will fix something, you’re not weak — you’re surviving the best way you know how. Healing your body image always requires compassion; healing your body image after trauma requires compassion, grace, and acknowledgement of your body's wisdom in giving you coping mechanisms that allowed you to remain safe.

If nourishment feels dangerous, rest feels indulgent, or stillness feels unsafe, that doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human in a world that taught you to disconnect from yourself.

Healing starts with truth-telling, noticing. And then with the smallest, safest acts of reconnection.

✨ Grounding Practice: Meet Yourself Where You Are

Place one hand on your body — anywhere that feels neutral. Breathe and ask gently:

• “Where do I feel tight?”

• “Where do I feel heavy?”

• “Where do I feel nothing at all?”

  
  

There is no right answer. Just information.

Then ask: “What is one small way I can care for myself in the next hour?”It might be food. It might be water. It might be movement. It might be doing absolutely nothing.

✏️ Journaling Prompts

These are meant to meet you with compassion, not critique:

1. What stories did I learn about my body that were never mine to carry?

2. When did shrinking myself feel like safety? What was I protecting?

3. Where do I still override my body’s cues? What would happen if I softened instead of pushing?

4. Who benefits when I stay small or preoccupied with my body? Who benefits when I take up space?

5. What is one belief about my body I’m ready to release — even just a little?

   
   

🌙 Closing

If no one ever told you that you are lovable and worthy simply for being you — not for being small, disciplined, or “good” — let me say it now:

You are allowed to come home to yourself. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be soft. You are allowed to choose nourishment, rest, and presence — even if it feels unfamiliar. Even if it feels radical.

Because it is.

And because you deserve it. You always have. 💜

Explore Your Own Body Image Healing After Trauma

Ready to explore this work more deeply? Schedule an intro call with us today and stay tuned for my upcoming Body Trust Bundle, a self-paced resource designed to help you reconnect, listen, and nourish without guilt through every season.

About the Author:

Rachel Caine, MS, RDN, LDN, is a registered dietitian based out of Watertown, MA, who specializes in trauma-informed nutrition care, intuitive eating, and building body trust and neutrality. Through her insurance-based private practice, Rachel helps clients reconnect with their physical selves and develop a more intuitive and compassionate relationship with food.