For many years, my relationship with my body was fraught with tension, trauma, and turmoil. Rooted in a childhood marked by abuse, my experiences shaped not only my understanding of self but also the way I navigated the physical world around me. Understanding and working towards healing my relationship with my body has been a transformative journey—one that I believe is crucial for everyone, especially those who have wrestled with trauma like I have.
Growing up in an environment where survival meant constant vigilance, my nervous system was trapped in a fight/flight/fawn/freeze mode. Emotions became a foreign territory—one that felt unsafe to explore. Instead of feeling my feelings, I learned to disconnect from my body, developing a pattern of dissociation that made it difficult to recognize both physical and emotional sensations. In that painful dance of survival, my body became merely a tool; I learned to manipulate it to suit my needs and to hide my deeper feelings.
In a society that places immense value on thinness and conventional definitions of beauty, I faced an additional layer of complexity. Whether I was attempting to increase my body size to evade positive attention or pursuing a temporary identity that aligned with more conventional beauty standards, my physical activity and choices around food were driven more by a need to control and hide than a genuine desire for health or nourishment. My body had become a canvas—one that I felt was under constant revision, as I sought to mold it into shapes that would feel safer or more acceptable, often losing sight of my authenticity in the process.
For so long, I loathed my body, trapped in a cycle of self-judgment and societal comparison. But over time, I began to cultivate a sense of neutrality towards my body. I realized that feelings—both good and bad—are transient. I learned to allow myself to be present, to feel sensations without rushing to judge or escape them. This journey has been about returning to my body and embracing it as a space where I can exist without shame.
One of the most liberating shifts I’ve experienced is finding safety around food. The anxiety and noise that once clouded my relationship with eating have quieted. Food is no longer just a tool for manipulation; it has become a source of nourishment and joy. I find gratitude in my choices and can enjoy the diversity of flavors without the weight of guilt or dread associated with them.
I believe this path of embodiment should be accessible to everyone. My journey is a testament to the power of self-awareness and the ability to cultivate a kinder, more compassionate relationship with one's body. It has not always been easy, but moving from a place of self-loathing to one of acceptance and gratitude is a profound gift I wish for all.
Whether you are navigating the complexities of trauma, societal expectations, or personal struggles with body image, remember that healing is possible. It starts with recognizing the body as a safe place—an ally rather than an adversary. We all deserve to explore our bodies with curiosity and kindness, allowing ourselves to feel fully and to love ourselves unconditionally.
If any of this resonates with you, know that we are here and we'd love to help you on your own journey back to self. Reach out to us anytime!
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